Shame on HP

HP Quality Case Managers Phone Numbers

2007-12-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

Tired of HP customer service bullshit? Try escalating to get the bullshit from a "Quality Case Manager."

Try 877-917-4380
use extension 79 for desktops and 94 for laptops

Also, email HP Ceo Mark Hurd here.

Part XI: The Run Around

2007-04-26T15:33:00.000-07:00

Eight weeks and roughly 5 letters to Mark Hurd later I hear from a new case manager, "Steve." It's disappointing but not very surprising that he is just a carbon copy of the previous case manager Graham. After four repeated defects, and HP's continuing failure to adequately repair the problem, Steve thinks that this time they're going to get it right and wants to schedule another repair. Graham said the same thing back in February, until the laptop continually could not be repaired and then he just stopped returning my calls. I've already tried it Steve's way, and I still have a non-functioning machine. I'm simply looking for a working computer, what I originally thought I'd purchased.

I thought the following was appropriate enough to mention again:
True, HP is saving money by outsourcing their technical support, neglecting customer service, refusing to repair lemon laptops, and selling what can only generously be described as fake warranties. But does there come a point when the money saved is less than the money lost? Is A + B ever less than C? For instance, if I decide to never purchase another HP laptop, HP just lost $2000. And that's only the first purchase in a long line of possible future purchases. If I strongly urge my girlfriend to not buy HP products, and she listens to me and continues to show brand loyalty to Apple computers because they don't fail in the first five months. How much of a loss is that to HP? And what if the office is considering buying an HP workstation, but I recount my experiences here and we decide to continue to purchase Dell because we've never been lied to by a Dell customer service rep. Or if this humble blogger pretty much creates a blog for the sole damn purpose of hoping others avoid purchasing any product with an "HP" on it, to prevent a similar hassle from befalling them, just how much can I influence anyone else's pre-purchase decision? Not at all? Maybe a little? Simply put, how much will it cost Hewlett Packard to receive negative word of mouth reviews from me for the rest of my life? More than it would cost them to successfully resolve this issue?

Part X: The 2nd Email sent to HP CEO Mark Hurd

2007-02-25T01:41:00.000-08:00

After five weeks of unreturned messages to Graham, it seems I've again exhausted all my options. Back to Mr. Mark Hurd.

Dear Mr. Hurd,

Nearly three months ago I wrote to you expressing my dissatisfaction with HP customer service. I had run the gamut of technical support and customer service representatives, each of whom contradicted one another and would without hesitation flat-out lie to me. My HP laptop experienced a common hardware problem with the zd7000 series - the computer would power on, but the display would remain off. Many web sites confirmed that this was a common issue experienced by numerous customers. Later, I found out through my corporate case manager Graham, that it is now standard HP policy to repair all display issues with the zd7000 series laptop regardless of warranty status.

At the time I wrote to you I didn't know that. All I knew was that HP technical support wanted to charge me $700 to repair a widespread design flaw, which I didn't feel was right. I wrote to you out of frustration and I very much appreciated the quick response from someone in your company. I was given a case number and got in touch with a corporate case manager named Graham. After describing my problem, Graham confirmed that all display issues with the zd7000 are repaired free of charge. The laptop was shipped to HP for repairs and promptly came back. Unfortunately, soon after it began to behave erratically and frequently shut down. Again I spoke with Graham and the laptop was again sent to HP for repairs. Again, the computer was repaired but still exhibited all manner of problems, including a black screen, the problem I had sent it in for originally. The state of the laptop is now worse than it was before I sent it into HP for repairs.

As per Graham's instructions, I once more tried to contact him. And I tried again and again. For the last five weeks I have left over six messages with your corporate case manager but have yet to have any of my calls returned. I hope you find this as unacceptable as I do.

This is a time line of my experiences with your company:

* November 2004 - Laptop purchased

* April 2005 - Failure One
o Black screen of death, laptop is sent to HP (1st time) and repaired

* January 2006 - 1 Year extended warranty purchased and registered from HP (turns out to be fraudulent due to it being an expired warranty at time of purchase - still waiting for refund...)

* November 2006 - Failure Two
o Black screen of death returns

* December 2006 - HP clarifies that all zd7000 display issues are repaired free of charge due to company policy regarding design flaws. This is in direct contradiction to HP Tech support representatives who attempt to charge $700.

* December 2006 - Laptop sent (2nd time) to HP for repairs. Motherboard and heatsink are replaced.

* January 2007 - Failure Three
o Laptop behaves erratically, system shuts down and freezes, blue screen becomes common
o Laptop again sent (3rd time) to HP for repairs, ram replaced.

* February 2007 - Failure Four
o Laptop continues to behave erratically with constant shutdowns and blue screens.
o Still waiting for resolution, I've left over four unreturned messages with corporate case manager Graham.

If you desire a more comprehensive account of my travails with your company, please don't hesitate to visit the blog I have set up: http://shameonhp.blogspot.com, which has been receiving visitors from all over the world. Commenting is open and I would love to hear any feedback from you.

To me at least, one of the most troubling aspects is how your employees are so quick to blame each other. For instance, when a myriad of HP tech support representatives tried to charge me 700 dollars for a repair that HP policy states is free of charge, Case Manager Graham certainly didn't try to rectify the situation for future HP product owners by making sure Technical support gets it right in the future and is keyed into official HP policy regarding zd7000 screen issues, no, he wasn't interested in that. And he definitely didn't do anything as simple as offer an apology for what could be a costly mistake to a lot of people, he just said they're wrong and blamed the lowly representatives for the mistake. Last I checked they are just reading text off of a screen. Text you write?

I've been a longtime HP customer, feeling a certain affinity for founders Bill and Dave's California ingenuity, and I don't think I'm asking for too much to get this obviously faulty laptop either adequately repaired or replaced. Should your customers expect a $2000 investment to include being lied to by representatives of HP? Is the quality of your products so low that customers should expect to have to send their laptops in for repairs at least three times? And that even after all that, the computer returns in an even worse condition. Should I accept that my calls won't be returned by your corporate case manager? Shouldn't I expect more from a major American corporation? Shouldn't you?

Nearly three months ago, when I first wrote you, I expressed my sincere hope that the poor level of customer service I had received up to that point was an anomaly, that the company founded by Bill and Dave could not have fallen so low. Unfortunately, after this serious and sustained lack of even the most basic of service I am beginning to worry that the dishearteningly low degree of customer support may have become the new norm for HP. I will hold out a small measure of hope that you can prove me wrong.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Part IX: How is it possible that a major American corporation can consistently perform this poorly in all aspects?

2007-02-13T12:15:00.000-08:00

Or: Shame on HP for sullying poor Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard's good name.

The black screen returns. Incontrovertible evidence that HP Service Technicians are as incompetent as their brothers in Customer Service and Technical Support. This is the third time this ubiquitous zd7000 error has struck my computer down. HP has already had two chances to fix this laptop that is now officially worse than when it was originally sent to HP for "repair."

Also, in the last two weeks I have left four messages for Corporate Case Manger Graham. Four unreturned messages. Why does your answering service lie? You know a case manager won't return my call within a few hours. I'm worried I have exhausted all official channels to receive a working laptop - it could be time to invoke a higher power. You've left me no choice. I call on the ghosts of Bill and Dave to intervene! Smite this horrible company that without your guiding hands has fallen oh so far!

Part VIII: Recap

2007-02-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

Break it down:

November 2004 - Laptop purchased

April 2005 - Failure One

Black screen of death, laptop is sent to HP (1st time) and repaired

January 2006 - 1 Year extended warranty purchased and registered from HP (turns out to be fraudulent due to it being an expired warranty at time of purchase - still waiting for refund...)

November 2006 - Failure Two

Black screen of death returns, see part IV "Fiasco"

December 2006 - HP clarifies that all zd7000 display issues are repaired free of charge due to company policy regarding design flaws. This is in direct contradiction to HP Tech support representatives who attempt to charge $700.

December 2006 - Laptop sent (2nd time) to HP for repairs. Motherboard and heatsink are replaced.

January 2007 - Failure Three

Laptop behaves erratically, system shuts down and freezes, blue screen becomes common
Laptop again sent (3rd time) to HP for repairs, ram replaced.

February 2007 - Failure Four

Laptop continues to behave erratically with constant shutdowns and blue screens.
Still waiting for resolution.....

Part VII: Purgatory

2007-02-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

The elapsed time between posts would appear to imply that HP adequately met their responsibility to repair a faulty notebook. However, that would be greatly underestimating the depth of Hewlett Packard incompetence and their really quite remarkable ability to consistently under perform at seemingly the most basic of tasks.

Per Part VI, the motherboard and video card were repaired, and the notebook was returned to me on January 11th (again due to HP, an attempt was made to find the mysterious nonexistent 129 sixth floor, not 12964, much love to all the alert fedex drivers working the marina). Immediately upon powering on, the system behaved erratically and would consistently either lock up or reboot itself during ram intensive applications. At least the display now works. Also, as a compliment to the previous black screen of death, now I became accustomed to the blue screen of death. I'd wasted so much time just getting to this point, from india to the ceo, and to still have a non-functioning $2000 paper weight was disappointing to say the least.

Back on the phone with corporate case manager Graham, per his instructions should the laptop continue to fail, I explained to him the new symptoms - random shutdowns, system lock-up, and blue screen. I realize I'm really tired of talking to Graham, not that there's anything necessarily wrong with him, he seems alright, I'm just tired of repeating this stale process. Anyway, Graham is thinking memory problem, which is certainly a reasonable diagnosis. I had run memtest86 and gotten back a large number of errors which could suggest a ram or motherboard problem. But Windows Memory diagnostic tool found no errors and the ram was stable with no system compromises on another machine. Ineffectively, I tried to steer him away from this conclusion back to the possibility that maybe the repairs that HP had just done could be causing the new failure. He assured me the laptop would be thoroughly checked and repaired when I sent it in again, for the third time. With faith that the Hercule Poirot's at the HP Service Center could properly investigate the cause of these problems and that this time they could make good and maybe all would be forgiven. The laptop was sent to HP on January 30th and returned back to me on February 2nd, the repair slip simply stated - ram replaced.

Granted I am in no way an i.t. expert, but it seems reasonable to deduce that the problem is most likely not being caused by my ram module that has been consistently working since day one, but rather the new problem is probably related to the new motherboard that HP apparently clumsily replaced the week before. Again I power up the machine for the first time following a HP repair. Again the system freezes up before windows finishes booting up. I restart, the system manages to boot up, but this time I get a blue screen. A new blue screen, but still a blue screen nonetheless. This process of restarting, system freeze, restart, continues for a ridiculously long time. Each time hoping in vain that that is going to be the one time it works. At this point the computer is in a worse place that it was before I ever sent it to HP. Back when I only had the black screen of death I could still hook the thing up to an external monitor, but now, the thing won't work for more than five minutes.

Suspiciously, my corporate case manager has become harder to get on the phone. So, while I wait for Graham to call me back, I have some time to catch up on this ongoing report which stubbornly refuses to end.

Part VI: Free Repair, Clarification of HP Policy

2007-01-02T12:31:00.000-08:00

I went through 13 inept, lying, rude csr's before emailing the hp ceo. Then, and only then, was I given a dedicated american case manager, Graham, (via direct line, no waiting) and after about two minutes of explaining the situation he said the repair is free. They'll be sending a prepaid fedex box. In fact, it is HP policy to repair all zd7000 screen issues at no cost to the customer regardless of warranty status. Funny thing, they have a dedicated department full of little case managers who spend their whole day telling customers their zd7000 display will be repaired for free. These are of course the customers who haven't already previously listened to HP technical support and payed $700 to have HP perform what should have been a free repair.

So, according to my escalated HP Case Manager, Graham, right now, HP has a company wide policy of repairing screen issues with the zd7000 free of charge. Which is great. I commend Hewlett Packard for acknowledging this issue and taking steps to solve it. But then why on the three occasions when I had the displeasure to speak with HP's tech support and I explained my screen issues to them, they didn't quote me HP's company policy? Instead, they tried to get me to pay 700 dollars. They tried to tell me my warranty was expired, and I was just out of luck. Too bad. Then they wanted to bargain with me and offered to repair the laptop for only 290 dollars. Does Graham know why tech support is telling people this? "They shouldn't be doing that." At this point I have lost track of how many times one HP rep has passed the blame onto another poor HP rep.

At best, this shows a lack of coordination between their american offices and their official tech support in India. At worst, this is a company that intentionally is trying to obfuscate their policies and attempting to falsely profit from what should admittedly be a free repair. A company that chooses to run their business in this manner deserves whatever amount of shaming customers can dish out.

If HP is really serious about repairing these things, why aren't they publicizing their policy? There's nothing on their website, no alerts sent to zd7000 owners, nothing. Why aren't they making damn sure that their own tech service reps are keyed into their official policy? I had to find out from fellow disgruntled customers and websites what should be common knowledge.

This is a rotten company, one I'll never have anything to do with again.

Edit: After a few days passed and there was no sign of any fedex box I began getting a little worried. But there it was waiting for me after my too short holiday break. The reason for the delay: instead of sending it to 12964, HP went ahead and initially tried to send the package to 129 Sixth Floor. Bless their little hearts.

Part V: Email to HP CEO Mark Hurd

2006-12-05T16:13:00.000-08:00

Or: Whomever answers his unsolicited emails

Sent via this form email portal on HP's website on December 5th.

Dear Mr. Hurd,

I would like to bring to your attention what I consider very poor customer service and a complete lack of ability to solve a common hardware issue with the zd7000 laptop. As, CEO and President, I believe that you should be aware of this situation, and I hope that you may be the person that can actually help me. I have long been a customer of HP and considered HP to have a reputation for quality, which makes my current experiences all the more unfortunate.

The following is a rough outline of the history of my computer:

November 2004: zd7000 cto purchased, order number

April 2005: zd7000 experiences display failure, repaired by HP

January 2006: 1 year extended warranty purchased and registered, order number

November 2006: zd7000 display fails for a second time, given case number

November 2006: at customer service representative suggestion, 3-year extended warranty purchased, order number

November 2006: 13 HP customer service reps and technical support technicians explicitly lie, contradict each other, and fail at the most basic of tasks.

The current problem began in November 2006, at which time the display failed for a second time, rendering the laptop useless. When I called to have this machine serviced under warranty, I was very surprised to find out that the warranty I had purchased and registered in January 2006 was invalid. I was sold an expired warranty by an HP service rep. I was then told I could correct the problem by purchasing an additional 3-year warranty, which I did. Then later, in direct contradiction to what I had previously been told, HP customer service is now telling me I should never have been sold the 3-year warranty in the first place. I don’t consider the thoroughly feeble excuse given by Sara the night supervisor on November 22, 2006, that “that service rep shouldn’t have done that” to be anywhere near sufficient. Accountability and responsibility are seriously lacking with this department. This is the second warranty I purchased in good faith that HP has failed to recognize. I consider this documented and repeated sale of fraudulent warranties to be a serious matter, and hope that this not a widespread occurrence. I have also experienced a depressingly familiar pattern of customer service and technical support representatives, who perpetuate outright falsehoods, contradict each other and perform their jobs in a manner that can only be described as rude.

My immediate concern is the non-functional zd7000 hp laptop. At this point, either we can consider this particular laptop a lemon, having seriously failed twice in as many years - subject to California state lemon laws; or, as multiple websites attest, the zd7000 was built with a serious design flaw that causes the display to fail. I believe that either instance warrants a swift solution performed by HP.

I sincerely hope that my recent experiences with your company are an anomaly, and that others should not expect the same poor level of service from a J.D. Power & Associates certified company. If you wish to find a more thorough account of my numerous encounters with HP representatives, please visit my blog at www.shameonhp.blogspot.com. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you so that we can satisfactorily rectify this situation.

Sincerely,

John

Part IV: Fiasco

2006-11-28T16:42:00.001-08:00

What follows is my experience attempting to resolve a problem through HP technical support and customer service. Individually, the following 13 interactions comprise a series of petty inconveniences. Taken together, however, they form a clear indication of a company that (a) seriously neglects any notion of customer service, (b) engages in the practice of selling fraudulent warranties, and (c) systematically lies to its customers. Whether this is done maliciously or through general incompetence remains unknown. Again, note this is the second time the laptop has failed.

November 20, 7:48 P.M. -- Tech Support
After a respectable 17 minutes on hold I speak with the first of many Indian tech support reps. The connection is poor, but we're each able to understand each other with few problems. I begin explaining my dead display woes. I don't get far before he interrupts and begins reading from a script that the laptop is out of warranty, and any and all repairs HP performs will be at my expense. I am not expecting this, but proceed to give him the order number and date that I purchased and registered a 1-year warranty. January 2006 - 10 months ago. This is when I hear the first of what is to become a standard mantra at HP "there is nothing I can do, you need to call ___." Apparently, I need to call HP Registration Services but, alas, they are only open from 9-5. Not wanting to wait until morning, I'm still thinking this can be an easy fix, so I ask to be transferred to customer service. After 12 minutes on hold, I hear "Gracias por llamar "—Wait, did I push the wrong button?! Is this customer service? No, apparently I've been transferred to Spanish printer tech support. Hola! Not off to the best start, I resign to try again in the morning.

November 21, 8:12 A.M. -- Tech Support
After a google search I find out just how common the Black Screen of Death is with the zd7000 laptop. Multiple forums and tech sites include posts of customers struggling with the same problem. Unsubstantiated reports also state that the problem is so widespread and constitutes such a serious design flaw that a class action lawsuit is proceeding against HP in Northern California regarding zd7000 screen failures. Users are also posting that HP has sent out a "global alert" that states HP will repair any out-of-warranty zd7000 display issue free of charge.
It's not yet 9 o'clock, so thinking I can bypass the warranty issue and get this thing fixed, I try tech support again. Another poor connection to India, this time speaking with "Joe," and again I hear that out-of-warranty laptops will not be repaired, etc. I ask if HP is now repairing zd7000 screen issues due to any company wide alerts? Not that he knows of. Any acknowledgment of design flaws resulting in motherboards overheating? He's never heard of any. Are a lot of people having this problem with this laptop? Not that he knows of. How much would it cost to fix? $750. Am I just unlucky that I've had screen problems twice, whereas no one else ever has? "Joe"'s got nothing. I ask to speak to a supervisor. "Joe" puts me on hold for awhile then comes back with two pieces of information. 1) I can't speak with a supervisor; they're all busy. 2) The supervisor did authorize "Joe" to fix the laptop for the new lower price of $290.
Hmmm, I've just saved over four hundred dollars by simply asking to speak with a supervisor. I have no idea how they arrived at this new number, or even that you could barter with tech support people. My heart weeps for overcharged, confused grandmothers everywhere. Thanks, but no thanks.

November 21, 9:12 A.M. -- Registration Warranty
After a brisk 19 minute wait I'm on the phone with HP Registration & Warranty Services speaking with a North American rep this time. I explain that I'm having trouble with my warranty and give her the original order number and case number. This is when she says "uh-oh". Not what someone hopes to hear when speaking to a company rep, but she politely explains that the extended warranty I was sold and registered was actually expired from the moment I purchased it. The $100 warranty I purchased in January was nothing more than a donation to HP. If only for the laptop failing again, I would have remained blissfully unaware of any of this.
The rep explains to me that the 1-year warranty began on the original date of the laptop purchase (11/2004), not the date the warranty was purchased (1/2006). That all makes perfect sense, but is quite the opposite of what I was told back in January. She agrees that the rep who sold me the warranty was "mistaken" and HP should not be in the business of registering expired warranties. Fair enough, a service rep was mistaken, or as I like to say, he lied, but what can we do to fix this? She says I have the option to return the 1-year warranty and purchase a 3-year warranty, which presumably will not be expired. All this sounds easy enough - then I hear it again - there's nothing she can actually do, I need to call customer service (and no, she can't transfer me). I ask her to write what she just told me into the notes section, which is linked to my case number and she agrees. The solution seems so close, we have a plan, no fiascoes in sight.

November 21, 9:31 A.M. -- Customer Service
Back to customer service, another sullen rep, Shelley. Why do they never say "Good morning", or even "How are you?" I explain the situation to Shelley and ask that she look in the notes area to see what the women from the warranty department wrote. But of course the warranty woman didn't write any notes. And then out it comes "There's nothing I can do." Apparently, I need to speak with Warranty and Registration. I inform Shelley that I just got off the phone with W&R and they told me to call you. Well, Shelley has a secret phone number that is better than the one I already tried. Off I go to try this magical new number.

November 21, 12:45 P.M. -- Secret Registration and Warranty?
Another let down. The secret number turns out to be the same number I already called, but starts with 866 instead of 800. This time I'm speaking with a heavily-accented Indian woman. I ask her to refund my original warranty and sign me up for the 3 year. Apparently, this is within her power and she begins asking me for various order numbers and serial numbers. The connection is poor, and I find myself needing her to repeat herself. But everything is going fine, until she asks me for my "P-N", or "D-N." This quickly devolves into an Abbot and Costello routine from hell. Back and forth:
"What is your PEE-INN sir?"
"PEE-INN?"
"Yes, DEE-INN"
"I don't know what a DEE-INN is?"
"I need your PEE-INN sir"
"Just stop for a second, are you saying P-N or D-N?"
"I need the PEE-INN, P as in Packard!"
"Ok, PEE-INN"
"YES, DEE-INN..."
"Why are you torturing me!!!" Nearly reduced to tears of frustration, I contemplate if this is some sick, twisted Customer Service game or what. I plead to just be transferred to someone, anyone, else. She refuses, stating she is almost done. We both finally agree to give up, and she continues asking me the same questions I'd been answering all day. Only this time she asks me for my Product Number, which happens to start with the letters "D" and "N". The mystery of PEE-INN, DEE-INN is solved! She didn't seem to appreciate when I suggested next time instead of yelling "PEE-INN!" at people, to instead ask for a "Product Number".
All in all, I've been on the line with "P/N-D/N" for 37 minutes and I have no idea what she did. The connection was terrible and I'm only catching at most a quarter of what she says. I'm constantly having to ask her to slowly repeat what she said. I'm not sure who is more frustrated at this point. She says she needs to transfer me to another department to finalize my order.

November 21, 1:52 P.M. -- Secret Registration and Warranty II
I'm put on hold for 43 minutes (punishment?) to endure white noise Muzak and patently false, recorded, inane HP corporate platitudes. ("HP, your one stop shopping experience!") Then a young Indian man is on the other line. He is obviously in training, as he has a habit of punctuating his script and filling pauses with a lot of "uhh's" and "likes". I'm imagining an Indian version of Eddie Furlong from Terminator 2.
There is one thing I do notice right away though—something that has been confirmed with all overseas HP customer service reps. The older the rep, the heavier the accent. This kid definitely has an accent, but it sounds absolutely more Americanized. Fact: India has been a major source of outsourced labor since 1992 and the outsourcing industry now generates over 23 billion dollars for India. People smarter and more articulate than this blogger have weighed in on issues of preserving national identity in the face of globalization. It is my suspicion, however, that outsourcing has created a whole new generation of Beavis & Buttheads, which only adds to the depressing nature of the situation.
Anyway, I give "Eddie" my credit card info, he charges me for a 3-year warranty, and says I'll have it in 5-7 business days. Considering the current state of the laptop, this seems like a long time to wait. Can't he just register it now? There's nothing he can do. I ask to speak with a supervisor and now he says he can register it right then. Just so there is no misunderstanding, I ask him as simply as possible, whether if I hang up and call tech support, they'll recognize a registered 3-year warranty. He assures me, yes they will.

November 21, 6:32 P.M. -- Tech Support
Back to Tech Support with my newly registered extended warranty. Whoops, sorry that warranty is not registered. Lo and behold, when the young Indian trainee unequivocally said that yes, he had indeed registered the 3-year warranty right then and there, he was just mistaken! And to spice things up a little, this time, when I ask to be transferred back to customer service I wait 17 minutes and get printer tech support. Though this time it's not the Spanish version.

November 21, 7:12 P.M. -- Customer Service
Something about "P/N-D/N" still just wasn't sitting right with me. Did she really process my return for the 1-year warranty? I call Customer Service to confirm and not surprisingly no records for any return exist. I'd like to give "P/N-D/N" the benefit of the doubt...could something have gotten lost in the translation? Was she just mistaken? Or was she simply lying? The mystery deepens.

November 21, 11:33 P.M. -- Customer Service
Later that night, apparently in a masochistic mood, I try Customer Service one more time. The customer service gods must have been smiling, as I'm connected to the nicest representative I've heard in a long time. She seems genuinely interested in what I've been going through and expresses outrage at the series of "mistakes" made by service reps. She's dumbfounded as to why I was told the warranty was registered when it obviously wasn't, and was incredulous that HP would sell an expired warranty in the first place. She tracks the service package and lets me know I should receive it the next day, not 5-7 business days. She even has an ingenious solution to HP's habit of shifting responsibility from department to department - assign one rep to each case, so you can speak with same individual every time. This genius of a woman should be promoted posthaste. Lastly, as if everything she's done wasn't already enough, she proceeds to apologize on behalf of HP.
Rather than making me feel better though, the stark contrast between her and everyone else just makes it all the more depressing. I start thinking that she is like the one friendly HP customer service rep in this whole terrible company, and all her sullen coworkers make fun of her for it. If anyone from HP ever reads this, be proud of this woman.

November 22, 11:35 A.M. -- Package arrives
The 3-year extended warranty arrives, but I am unable to register it online.

November 22, 10:49 P.M. -- Customer Service
I'm speaking with standard issue patronizing customer service rep, Rick. I find myself sounding tired trying to recap the situation. Customer Service Hell is a mentally and physically exhausting place. I know it sounds dramatic, but at the time it felt very real. After several minutes on hold, Rick returns with "You're not going to like this." The 3-year warranty is invalid. Extended service plans cannot be purchased after the year anniversary of original computer purchase. But wait‚ he at least has a solution. Unfortunately it is refunding the 3-year warranty and sending me on my way. Unacceptable. We both sound relieved when the inevitable supervisor comes on the line.
Right away I can tell Sara, the supervisor, is going to be a problem. As soon as she comes on, she's spitting fire. It takes about 30 seconds before I hear it "Sir, there's nothing I can do." She doesn't care that the Indian Eddie Furlong sold me a 3-year warranty the day before. That's his problem and mine. The rules state that you can't buy a warranty past a year from purchase date, and she's sticking to it. No matter that HP has already proven that rule wrong twice. I'm just going to have call to call some other department, because there's nothing she can do, no accountability here. Apparently, HP can make a faulty product and sell fraudulent warranties, all of which Sara acknowledges, but she won't offer any solutions aside from me going away. Exhausted, I try to get Sara to add her confirmation that HP has lied to me repeatedly to my case notes, but sadly, as if to make her unofficial slogan more official, she says she's only going to add that there was nothing she could do.
Requests to speak to her supervisor are refused. She actually seems pretty angry at this point, pursed lips and everything. She says she is the highest person I'm going to speak to. (While it is true that resignations, firings, felony charges and now jail time are standard occurrences for HP's chief officers, I refuse to believe that Sara is the highest rung on that corporate ladder I can get to.)
Is this really the best HP has?
I give up and she says something along the lines of "Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?" I reply that she hasn't been at all helpful and she will continue to be unhelpful. A lame line to be sure, but it felt good.

Next Step?
Any suggestions regarding my next step would be greatly appreciated. I despise calling these liars, so all future correspondence would need to have a written record. But, who should I write to? Who's attention do I need to get? I hope to come to an amicable solution, but with this disfunctional company that seems less and less likely to happen.
Thanks for reading.

A final word on opportunity costs: True, HP is saving money by outsourcing their technical support, neglecting customer service, refusing to repair lemon laptops, and selling what can only generously be described as fake warranties. But does there come a point when the money saved is less than the money lost? Is A + B ever less than C? For instance, if I decide to never purchase another HP laptop, HP just lost $2000. And that's only the first purchase in a long line of possible future purchases. If I strongly urge my girlfriend to not buy HP products, and she listens to me and continues to show brand loyalty to Apple computers because they don't fail in the first five months. How much of a loss is that to HP? And what if the office is considering buying an HP workstation, but I recount my experiences here and we decide to continue to purchase Dell because we've never been lied to by a Dell customer service rep. Or if this humble blogger pretty much creates a blog for the sole damn purpose of hoping others avoid purchasing any product with an "HP" on it, to prevent a similar hassle from befalling them, just how much can I influence anyone else's pre-purchase decision? Not at all? Maybe a little? Simply put, how much will it cost Hewlett Packard to receive negative word of mouth reviews from me for the rest of my life? More than it would cost them to honor my 200 hundred dollar warranty?

Part III: Failure Two

2006-11-28T14:51:00.000-08:00

The Black Screen of Death's icy grip returned on November 15, 2006. Again, the computer powered up, but the screen remained dark. In fact, everything was exactly the same as failure one, except of course that this time HP had supposedly already fixed this issue when they had the computer for two weeks. Once again, the zd7000 managed to show an uncanny ability to fail during the most inopportune of times. This time during a business trip.

Timeline recap:
November 2004 - Laptop purchased
April 2005 - Failure One
January 2006 - 1 Year extended warranty purchased and registered
November 2006 - Failure Two

Part II: First Warranty Purchase

2006-11-24T19:37:00.001-08:00

After the failure of the zd7000 in April 2005, purchasing an extended warranty seemed both reasonable and necessary. I called HP Customer Service, explained the situation, and they recommended purchasing the 1-year or 3-year service package warranty. After explicitly stating that the warranty began whenever I purchased said warranty, I opted for the 1-year. Easy enough. A nice little folder arrived a few days later. For the warranty to become activated, it was necessary to register the laptop serial number, date of purchase, etc. Since HP recommends registering online, I went through the online registration process successfully and was rewarded with the peace of mind that the zd7000 would last another year. This was January of 2006.

Part I: Intro and Failure One

2006-11-24T16:32:00.000-08:00

The zd7000 is a big, bulky mass of a laptop. Measuring 16 inches across and weighing in at 9.3 pounds, it is less a laptop, than a portable desktop. I purchased this clumsy beast in November of 2004. For an architecture student, it packed a lot of computing power into a generously student-reduced price. Aesthetically, it was less offensive than others, forgoing the flashy neon trim of the top of line Dell, and HP's industrial designers had apparently seen a Powerbook and many superficially minimal qualities from that laptop found there way onto the zd7000. But most importantly it performed well, at least for the first four months or so.

Now it can be debated whether what's come to be known as the "Black Screen of Death" is actually a design flaw of the zd7000 or just a statistically minor occurrence experienced by a few disgruntled customers. Though multiple internet users have reported similar symptoms - simply that the screen remains off, or black, while the rest of the computer turns on. Possible reasons for this malfunction range from the massive amounts of heat the laptop generates frying the motherboard to the geforce 5700 video card being unable to handle game playing. I find a certain measure of irony that the zd7000's most common error revolves around its two main selling points - the 17-inch screen and the laptop's self-declared status as a gaming machine.

What is indisputable though, is that this humble blogger's own zd7000 has a major design flaw. The BSoD first reared its ugly head in April 2005, four weeks before my final senior review. Not a good time to say the least, when two spare weeks to wait for repairs would have been impossible. After getting the black screen on six continuous restarts, the screen flickered to life on the seventh. That was the last time I restarted the computer for the next four weeks, part of my attempted workaround that also included keeping the lid open at all times so the computer would not go into sleep mode. If carrying a 9.3 lb laptop to and from school everyday is difficult, walking with an open portable desktop in your arms for four weeks is a major test of endurance.

Graduation passed and, at this point, HP performed as I had hoped they would. After explaining the problem to Technical Support, they immediately acknowledged the display issue and agreed to repair the laptop under warranty. Almost as if they were intimately familiar with the BSoD. While this probably should have worried me more than it did at the time, I was content to have a working computer. Nevertheless, two weeks later the repaired laptop returned to me, complete with replacement system board.